Don't 👻 Your Goals

Each week we'll be featuring content from our expired Bosscraft newsletter, designed to inspire, encourage, and share what we've learned about mindset and productivity. Sign up here to receive each post in your inbox.

Hope you enjoy!

Whitney

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You wouldn't ghost someone else, so why ghost yourself?

If you've ever been ghosted (for the olds: having someone suddenly cut communication with zero explanation), you know exactly how painful it can be. And it doesn't just happen in romance - you can be ghosted by coworkers, family, recruiters, friends...

You can even ghost yourself.

It works the same way it does with others - you stop listening, stop responding, stop caring, and find something more interesting or engaging to pay attention to. Honestly, with the sheer volume of things happening in the world, it's kind of easy to stop paying attention to yourself. When we let it, life has a way of pulling us away from ourselves, our intuitions, our goals.

This can happen in a lot of ways, often stemming from prioritizing other people's needs or desires over your own. It can also come from a sense of unworthiness or shame. That feeling that you don't deserve focus or attention or happiness.

Sometimes it's easier to be busy than it is to focus on what you need or want.

The thing with ghosting is - it's easy. It's easy to turn away from our own goals. It's easy to pay attention to the task on your desk today. It's easy to pay no attention to what you want or need or will make you happy.

The problem is, that stasis comes with suffering.

If you find yourself feeling frustrated and unhappy and confused about why all your efforts don't actually seem to lead anywhere, you may not be paying enough attention to yourself.

PIVOT BACK TO YOU

The first step is simply creating awareness. This kind of self-awareness is best though of as a practice rather than an end destination. Just like other kinds of practices - art, meditation, yoga - its a slow, non-linear progression.

To break the pattern, you have to see the pattern.

It can require a lot of patience to slow down and let yourself lead you toward what is most important to you. Because no one else can tell you the answers.

Usually, this means a lot of testing and iteration. Trying out a new possibility, noticing how you feel about it, then finding another option or variation and seeing how that fits. The answers don't suddenly appear. You have to work toward finding the right answers (and the right questions) that feel right to you.

Ending the ghosting can open up a wild world of possibilities.

It can also be really scary to focus that much attention on yourself when you've been used to focusing elsewhere. You don't need to lose yourself to make others happy. You can help them when they ask (or not) - their happiness is on them, not you.

You are the only one who can truly see what moves you forward and what makes you happy. And you are the only one who can decide whether you will do those things or not.

The beauty is, you get to choose. So make a choice.

RESOURCES

Stay motivated during the toughest times . (article+podcast)

Are you the same person you used to be? If not, why keep the same goals ? (podcast)

Challenge your self talk in four simple moves . (Instagram post)

Explaining goal setting like you are five may sound silly, but it can work . (video)

Break the habit and follow through on your goals . (TEDx Talk)